[I wrote this on Sunday, May 6. I’m late posting because I was torn on if I should or not..]
I knew today would be difficult. I get it. Even I often have to take a step away, take a deep breath and catch my head. In fact, I WOKE UP EARLY today just to have 5 minutes of peace.. and you know what happened? One of the boys felt me leave the room and woke up.. totally backfiring my plan to have a moment of peace.. I knew today would be long.. and hard. But I wasn’t going to miss mass just because things were proving to be difficult. I struggled through every obstacle I faced this morning.
I’ve honestly left the mass before in situations like this.. but I won’t keep allowing people to get in between my relationship with God.. But I did see you.. I did hear you.. and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make my skin crawl and shatter my heart.
I saw when you rolled your eyes and it took several deep breaths to hold back tears. I heard your comments, too.. I could see as you praised the baby that was still just a few pews ahead of us.. Without a doubt in my mind, that baby was behaving beautifully.. but you didn’t need to compare them. He wasn’t being bad. Sure, he was whiny and cried some but he wasn’t swinging from the choir loft or doing anything outside of normal childlike behavior.
Today, I saw and felt every moment of you rolling your eyes and belittling my son. As much as it hurt, I brushed it off. Maybe you’re having a bad day, too.. and if you are, I’m sorry.. and if you’re not – I do hope you find peace But while I saw (and heard you)… what you didn’t see is just all he’ been through in the last few weeks that caused his whining.. I know, I know- it sounds like just an excuse to justify my child being rowdy, but I can promise you – it’s not.
That kid that was a little cranky and loud is miserable in his own skin right now. He’s only 2 and confused.. and unlike an adult, he cannot process that pain and discomfort in a mature way… That “bad little boy” is covered in blisters and hives from his head to his toe.. and we still aren’t sure why. We are working with a doctor for answers but for now? We still don’t have them so we make the best of life that we can for him despite what confusion and pain he feels.. That little boy has slept *maybe* 15 hours COMBINED in 5 days because he’s in so much pain.. yet, he still smiled at you when we first sat and you snarled his way.. He’s too innocent to see that you weren’t being sincere.. but I saw it. I wanted so badly to pick up my bag, grab both of my boys and just walk out.. but we weren’t there for you.. We go to mass because of our faith in God. And.. Trust me. There are so many days that I *wish* we had a cry room .. but we don’t.. So we make do the best we can and try our best to keep them calm every Sunday..
It took a lot of prayers for peace.. but we stayed.. but you didn’t stop. The looks didn’t stop… but I ignored them. I’m not really sure what’s going on in your life.. and it’s really not my business. But I do truly hope that you someday find peace with it. I also hope you know (or maybe come to realize) that we don’t go to mass to ruin your day.. or moment. We go to mass because I hope to train up two God fearing lads that can someday lead the youth of our church.
If this finds its way to you, I do pray for you. I do pray for whatever you’re facing.. or holding onto. If you need a hug, I’d be more than happy to offer one.. If you want to pray, we can do that, too. But please.. consider what someone is going through before being so quick to judge them. As your sister in Christ, I can only believe that you truly wish to see our church flourish with youth that will love Jesus as much as we all do.. but for that to happen, we must also welcome them all with loving arms.. loud or quiet, calm or wild.. Children come in all personalities and are dealing with so many situations we cannot even begin to fathom in just a glance..
For any mother reading this who’s nodding her head because she can relate.. I know it hurts. The pain stings and you feel defeated.. but continue to train up a child in your faith. It is never between anyone but you and God anyway ❤ ❤ Continue to go to your mass. Continue to work with your children to love and serve the Lord.. and when your heart feels heavy because you feel defeated in mass, CONTINUE TO PRAY..